Day 6 (White Coat Ceremony)

First, I would like to give a big thanks to Pops.  My fedex packages finally came in today.  The chair is amazing, and I will finally be able to watch lectures without spasms in my latissimus dorsi and trapezius.  Ya, I'm learning the lingo here.  I think I have identified why this is such a third world country.  It cost nearly $600 in shipping to get 4 boxes here.  Importing here is impossible.  I don't quite understand.  I mean, Australia is nearly three times as far away, yet its much cheaper to send things there.  Not only did it cost $600 to ship it here, it was another $150 just to clear customs.  What a joke.  Which brings me to my next joke.

The White Coat Ceremony.

Although I'm sure it is a little better in US med schools, the White Coat Ceremony at Ross University was the first time I have felt stupid for attending here.  Honestly, I've seen better entrance ceremonies at Mona Shores Middle School.  First, the Dominica color guard (I'm sure the Dominica military is quite a threat) presented the Dominica flag as well as the US flag.  The four military members not holding the flags were holding automatic machine guns that could have taken out the 600+ people in the room.  Sadly, I have grown to dislike the Star Spangled Banner.  I mean, comon, the greatest country on the face of the earth can come up with something a little better (no disrespect intended).  And someone will have to explain to me why exactly its played before everything?  Second, the Invocation.  Needless to say, at this point I was pissed.  God has nothing to do with ACTUAL medicine.  Unfortunately for me, a placebo effect does play a role for the strongest believers, and no, that is not God's work.  It is proven that about 25% of patients will respond to treatment if they believe the drug they are given will work even when that drug is a salt tablet.  So, yes, God can be a placebo.  Third, the Dean of the University spoke and introduced the "distinguished" guests and dignitaries.  Mmm hmmm.  That pretty much compiled of the Ross senior faculty and administrators.  (Apparently the Prime Minister had to cancel last minute).  This was followed by a rousing speech from the only doctor from Dominica affiliated with Ross (Assistant Dean of Academic Affairs).  Well, he had his moments of humor, but mostly he struggled putting words into sentences and covered this by asking for a round of applause every 20 seconds.  He was followed by the highlight of the ceremony, the key note speaker.  His credentials were good.  At one point I think he was the head of the American Board of Opthamology or something along those lines.  He opened his speech by saying, "I'm a little nervous, I've never given a speech in front of this many people before."  Mmmm hmmm.  If you couldn't tell before he said that, you SURE AS HELL could within 3 minutes of his talking.  He was told to talk about what being a doctor meant to him.  Ok, I can live with that.  The only problem was he forgot to write a speech.  I'm not lying.  I saw a few of the MD faculty falling asleep as well as about half of the students.  He would say a sentence....wait for it....wait for it...wait for it...and then say another sentence, but only his second sentence didn't match his first.  His entire speech was a puzzle.  A puzzle that when completed painted a picture of nothing but fog.  It honestly was the worst speech I have ever listened to in my life, no joke.  I wanted to feel bad for the guy, but my anger was too powerful.  After we all awoke after he exceeded his time limit by double (45 minutes or was it 3 days, one of the two) it was time to don the White Coat.  The White Coat symbolizes purity from disease, trust, honor, and respect.  Its funny though, more than half of the people who put on the white coat today will never wear one again (and if I can't remain in the top 50% of this class, I'm moving to Australia and probably won't be seen for a while).  To make matters even better, I'll give you 100 guesses as to what music played during this process.  Comon, keep guessing.  Nope, guess again.  Good try but nope.  Ok, one more guess.  Ha, not even close!  Are you ready...Queen - We are the Champions.  MMMMM HMMMMMM.  At this point, I'm disgusted, angry, sad, and depressed.  What's next?  Oh, we have to recite the "Morning Prayer of a Physician"?!  MMMM FuckingHMMMM.  What a ceremony.  THEN, we went outside for dinner.  A dinner suited for soon-to-be doctors and the many distinguished guests and dignitaries... PB and J cut into triangles with the crust cut off, chee(z)e cookie crackers, some sort of a breakfast burrito? and cold chik'n (cause it couldn't have been chicken) nuggets.  My real dilemma was that some of my fellow students (my future colleagues) were acting like this was actually a big deal.  Some had no complaints of the food, no complaints of the speakers.  I even heard someone say they thought it was pretty good.  UM WHAT?!  They enjoyed it and I didn't feel it was worthy of a Middle School Entrance Assembly.  Which one is the crazy one? 

PS - I'd like to give a big whole hearted THANKS to Beth W. for convincing me to go to this wonderful event.  Without your guidance I have no idea what I would have done...    

PSS - Thank you Jeremy for letting me know I'm not actually writing this to myself.