Day 6 (White Coat Ceremony)

First, I would like to give a big thanks to Pops.  My fedex packages finally came in today.  The chair is amazing, and I will finally be able to watch lectures without spasms in my latissimus dorsi and trapezius.  Ya, I'm learning the lingo here.  I think I have identified why this is such a third world country.  It cost nearly $600 in shipping to get 4 boxes here.  Importing here is impossible.  I don't quite understand.  I mean, Australia is nearly three times as far away, yet its much cheaper to send things there.  Not only did it cost $600 to ship it here, it was another $150 just to clear customs.  What a joke.  Which brings me to my next joke.

The White Coat Ceremony.

Although I'm sure it is a little better in US med schools, the White Coat Ceremony at Ross University was the first time I have felt stupid for attending here.  Honestly, I've seen better entrance ceremonies at Mona Shores Middle School.  First, the Dominica color guard (I'm sure the Dominica military is quite a threat) presented the Dominica flag as well as the US flag.  The four military members not holding the flags were holding automatic machine guns that could have taken out the 600+ people in the room.  Sadly, I have grown to dislike the Star Spangled Banner.  I mean, comon, the greatest country on the face of the earth can come up with something a little better (no disrespect intended).  And someone will have to explain to me why exactly its played before everything?  Second, the Invocation.  Needless to say, at this point I was pissed.  God has nothing to do with ACTUAL medicine.  Unfortunately for me, a placebo effect does play a role for the strongest believers, and no, that is not God's work.  It is proven that about 25% of patients will respond to treatment if they believe the drug they are given will work even when that drug is a salt tablet.  So, yes, God can be a placebo.  Third, the Dean of the University spoke and introduced the "distinguished" guests and dignitaries.  Mmm hmmm.  That pretty much compiled of the Ross senior faculty and administrators.  (Apparently the Prime Minister had to cancel last minute).  This was followed by a rousing speech from the only doctor from Dominica affiliated with Ross (Assistant Dean of Academic Affairs).  Well, he had his moments of humor, but mostly he struggled putting words into sentences and covered this by asking for a round of applause every 20 seconds.  He was followed by the highlight of the ceremony, the key note speaker.  His credentials were good.  At one point I think he was the head of the American Board of Opthamology or something along those lines.  He opened his speech by saying, "I'm a little nervous, I've never given a speech in front of this many people before."  Mmmm hmmm.  If you couldn't tell before he said that, you SURE AS HELL could within 3 minutes of his talking.  He was told to talk about what being a doctor meant to him.  Ok, I can live with that.  The only problem was he forgot to write a speech.  I'm not lying.  I saw a few of the MD faculty falling asleep as well as about half of the students.  He would say a sentence....wait for it....wait for it...wait for it...and then say another sentence, but only his second sentence didn't match his first.  His entire speech was a puzzle.  A puzzle that when completed painted a picture of nothing but fog.  It honestly was the worst speech I have ever listened to in my life, no joke.  I wanted to feel bad for the guy, but my anger was too powerful.  After we all awoke after he exceeded his time limit by double (45 minutes or was it 3 days, one of the two) it was time to don the White Coat.  The White Coat symbolizes purity from disease, trust, honor, and respect.  Its funny though, more than half of the people who put on the white coat today will never wear one again (and if I can't remain in the top 50% of this class, I'm moving to Australia and probably won't be seen for a while).  To make matters even better, I'll give you 100 guesses as to what music played during this process.  Comon, keep guessing.  Nope, guess again.  Good try but nope.  Ok, one more guess.  Ha, not even close!  Are you ready...Queen - We are the Champions.  MMMMM HMMMMMM.  At this point, I'm disgusted, angry, sad, and depressed.  What's next?  Oh, we have to recite the "Morning Prayer of a Physician"?!  MMMM FuckingHMMMM.  What a ceremony.  THEN, we went outside for dinner.  A dinner suited for soon-to-be doctors and the many distinguished guests and dignitaries... PB and J cut into triangles with the crust cut off, chee(z)e cookie crackers, some sort of a breakfast burrito? and cold chik'n (cause it couldn't have been chicken) nuggets.  My real dilemma was that some of my fellow students (my future colleagues) were acting like this was actually a big deal.  Some had no complaints of the food, no complaints of the speakers.  I even heard someone say they thought it was pretty good.  UM WHAT?!  They enjoyed it and I didn't feel it was worthy of a Middle School Entrance Assembly.  Which one is the crazy one? 

PS - I'd like to give a big whole hearted THANKS to Beth W. for convincing me to go to this wonderful event.  Without your guidance I have no idea what I would have done...    

PSS - Thank you Jeremy for letting me know I'm not actually writing this to myself.

Day 5

Door to door laundry service for $10.  Wow, can you get any better than that.  On top of that, my clothes smell wonderful.  I have tried countless detergents, every different type of bounce, and I have never achieved this level of fragrance.  

My plans are set for this weekend.  I am hiking to the highest point in Dominica.  Almost a mile up.  That will take place Sunday morning.

Apparently, I am writing this blog to myself, so I will remind myself of how amazing that Red Wings game was tonight.  The NHL is a lot of work to do to catch up with the Big 3, but I don't care if you're a fan of hockey or not, game 7s in NHL playoffs are by far the best game 7s.  

Yesterday's Topics:  Biochemistry - Proteins

                                     Cell Biology - Mitochondria, Peroxisomes, Lysosomes

Interesting fact:  So Da Beers (the diamond company) has made a fortune with the slogan, "A diamond is forever."  Well, thats funny, because its a lie.  Granted in our lifetime it my hold true, but eventually that million dollar diamond is going to turn into the exact same thing as pencil lead.  

Lessons from a feline Spartan Warrior

Dr. Samsun, (yes, thanks to my mother I decided to change your name.  You have always been a spartan warrior so you might as well have it in your name.)  how I miss you.  Sometimes I swear I can see you out of the corner of my eye, walking into the room knowing you own it.  Then I remember your 4000 miles away and perhaps I may have a brain tumor.  I can feel you meading on my leg when you are about to call it a night.  You still make me laugh every time I look at my computer screen and see you pimpin on your balcony, and when I close my eyes and picture you fighting your tail while almost falling off of your balcony.  And then you lick your tail because you finally caught it and bit it and clawed it before you finally realized it was yours.  These are the little things, but these are by no means the only things.  You provided me with so much insight into life.  More than almost anyone else.  You are my son.  I am your father.  You taught me how it feels to constantly give and give, and receive no thanks.  Do you even care?  Of course you do, but you don't always realize how good you have it.  You are my best friend.  You're always willing to listen.  You're never too busy to help me figure things out.  You sense when things are bad, and you show empathy.  You're never afraid of embarrassing yourself to cheer me up.  You are my son and I am your parent.  You do things sometimes that drive me crazy.  You scare me to death, even though you know you'll be fine (at least you think you know).  You have shown me how it must feel to be a divorced parent.  You are growing up and I'm not there to see it except through pictures and stories.  I will never let this happen again.  You are me.  You're impulsive, but you learn (well, sometimes).  You fill every void in my life, yet you fill nothing.  You are just a cat.  I hated cats before I found you.  Without you, I'd still have all the relationships that I have now, but they wouldn't be as complete.  You have allowed me to empathize with everyone that I have come in contact with.  I can see their point of view a bit more clearly now.  My life is better because of you.  You will never be able to fully understand this, but I will.  And because of that, you will always be a part of me.  No matter if you're chasing your tail on your balcony 4000 miles away with not another care in the world except whens your next meal and why isn't Grandma giving me more ice cream.  All I can say is thank you, Samsun. 

Love,

Dr. Mark    

Day 4, Wow, already?

Mild Success.  The damn compliments are the hardest thing.  When was the last time you gave a compliment to a total stranger in a random setting?  It's not easy...I managed to give compliments to the people who made my food.  I guess it counts.  

So, I write this blog at night right before I go to bed.  So technically tomorrow is Day 4 and today is Day 3.  But for future reference I am writing this as if it is the morning.  

Today's Goals:  Get laundry done somehow.

                            Decide on a hike that isn't 9 hours long for Saturday because apparently some                                                      people need part of Saturday to study?!

                            Full body work out in the AM

                            Do learning objective

Yesterday's lessons:  The autonomic nervous system (ewww), Carbs and Lipids, Medical History

Interesting quote/lesson:  PPSS...Parasympathic points, Sympathic shoots  (yes, my professor did say this, and yes, he was talking about a penis)

Part 2 Just Friends

What a terrible position to be in.  I love hanging out with her.  I love seeing her.  She makes my miserable life a bit more tolerable.  Shes able to brighten my day as if shes my own person sun.  We have fun together.  We laugh together when things are funny.  We cry together when things are sad.  We just get each other.  Sometimes, she can finish my thought better than I could have done myself.  She motivates me, and I her.  We are able to do everything together.  We never need breaks.  We just simply enjoy each others company.  Its not lust.  Its not passion.  What is it?  Love?  Its not sexual.  Its intament but only because we know each others deepest fears and our most lofty goals.  I see her as my second half.  I like her so much that I even like her friends, as annoying as they are.  One day though.  Oh, that dreaded day.  She took me by the hand.  She looked me in the eye.  This wasn't a typical look.  I hadn't seen this before.  Her stare.  She must have seen through my soul and back.  She leaned in.  Whispers.  Her lips softly rubbing against my ear.  I'm in love with you.  NO!!!!!!!!!  My sunshine!  My rock!  My happiness.  I love her, too, but not like that!  I love...I'm not IN love.  Shes my best friend.  The one I turn to for everything.  I can't lose her.  I'm nothing without her.  I am a whore.  I won't and can't trust myself with that.  One mistake and shes gone.  Out of my life forever.  I can't lose her.  Everything was so perfect.  Me and her, best friends.  It didn't have to be sexual.  I just don't have those feelings for her.  Our entire relationship is in the balance...          

Day 3

Failed...  

I completed the two harder tasks, but I couldn't find a time to squeeze three random compliments into my day.  I suppose I have some work to do.

Goals for Today:  Weight lifting when I wake up

                               Complete learning objectives

                               Give 3 random compliments

                               Master the bones and muscles of the spine/back

Just Friends

So, who hasn't had to live with the "just friends" tag at one point or another?  Talk about a being between a rock and a hard place...is there really a winner when only one of the two wants things to stay strictly plutonic?  I know there are heaps of articles that deal with this issue, but I haven't written any...so why not?  It SUCKS!  I don't care who you are, how cool you are, how strong your social network is.  You see her...you're sympathetic nervous system kicks in...norepinephrine shoots throughout your brain.  You're heart starts to beat faster.  You need to suck in more oxygen.  You start to sweat.  Butterflys.  There she is...smiling as if the sun needed a pickmeup.  Shes happy to see you, too, but for her there are no butterflys, no racing heart, no increased demand for oxygen.  No sweat.  You are just another one of her friends.  Her response to you is the same as it is to an old classmate she had in her sophomore year.  You can't take your eyes off of her, yet every second a small part of your soul shuts off.  Your happiness clouds.   Your so excited and depressed and nervous and angry.  You know you are the one for her.  She is blind!  She wants you to come over and watch a movie.  Is she toying with you?  Is it finally going to happen.  Now every second lasts an hour.  When do I make my move?  Should I make a move?  Shes sitting next to me.  She must know?!  She has to know!  You're in!  You frantically debate yourself.  You go against everything you think and go with everything you feel.  You take the chance.  The chance that could change your life.  The chance that could solve all of your problems.  The chance thats been years in the making!  You lean in.  Heart pumping!  You're mouth is dry as a bone.  Your hands are sweaty.  The butterflys have migrated to your throat.  She looks at you.  She knows!  YES!!!!!  "Wait, what are you doing?!  I thought we discussed this?  I don't want to lose our friendship"  (the heart stops racing, saliva fills the mouth, the sweat remains, the butterflys...well the butterflys died along with a part of you)

To be continued

Day 2 aka the day after Day 1

Success!  Well, I suppose.  I give myself a 9 out of 10 for the day.  

Today's Topics:  Histology - Cell membranes/cytoskeleton

                              Anatomy - Spinal bones

                              Doctor and Patient - I'm really not sure (placebo effect maybe)

Tomorrow's Goals:  50 minutes of cardio when I wake up

                                   Successfully complete learning objectives

                                   Give 3 random compliments

Yesterday's Lesson

Attention Deficit Disorder.  I was diagnosed in the second semester of my senoir year of high school.  Apparently, it took 18 years before I, or anyone else for that matter, decided that something was wrong.  18 years of living, staying out late, sneaking out, drinking, partying.  Playing whore.  All while graduating elementry school, middle school, and high school with honors...with a 3.99 GPA.  But how, I had ADD and it wasn't diagnosed until it was too late.  I had ADD, and I was treated like all patients are...and sent to MSU.  I had my treatment.  Why wasn't I learning the way I did before?  Why was I better as an undiagnosed sufferer than I was as a treated patient?   I made it through Michigan State.  Piss on my GPA.  My MCAT was respectable...but only after I took it the second time without my treatment!  

Now I'm here, at Ross University School of Medicine.  Back to my undiagnosed suffering.  Back to when learning was fun.  Back to when I wanted to open a book, and learn all the wonders I was supposed to learn.  Why is it that when you do something you want...ADD goes away?  Whose logic was it to give millions of people synthetic cocaine and expect them to pay attention?  My life with adderall was a flash.  Able to think about millions of things millions of times throughout the day, but never able to focus on the one thing I needed to focus on.  

Cheers to Me.  For I have been the ends of the earth (quite literally and figuratively) and I'm still here focusing along as I go...

Dominica Island Tour

This is a video that I put together.  This will be part of my First Semester Video...so, if you think you'll be watching that when I get back in August, I'd wait...(better quality)

Ok, I just read my very first post.  Disappointing...I know, but trust...this will be quite entertaining.  I promise...

May 11, 2009 aka Day 1...

So, I start my blog by telling myself, or you reading, I'm not quite sure how I'm going to write it, that I don't know quite how this is gonna go.  I have had so many ideas about this for the past few months, yet I have nothing written down.  It's quite amazing actually.  I have thought about this "blog" so many times, you would think that I might try writing some of them down.  But now, it's day 1.  Day 1 of so many.  Day 1 of the rest of my life.   Day 1 of doing the right thing, of finishing what I've started and starting.  Starting something that I've been waiting for since I decided that I'd rather work in hospitals than court rooms (mind you I was 15, remember why?).  Day 1.  It is only just another day.  What makes Day 1 different from Day -1?  Or Day 420?  Because Day 1 is when you start.  Start doing those countless things you've spent the last 8 years learning.  By cementing in the good, and recycling the bad.  Never forgetting, but not remembering.  This blog is used solely for the purpose of saying things I need to say.  Whether it is for me to read...or for you.  For the next four years.  Through the entire struggle.  The ups, the downs, the hills, the valleys, the mountains and peaks.  The next four of the most miserable, best, most exciting, and trying years of my life.  This blog will be here, for me...and for you.