Day 22 The Week Before

I've noticed that people are actually viewing the blog, yet still no comments (except for spam I think?).  Oh well, I'm doing this for myself anyways.  

I skipped working out today.  I won't make that mistake again.  I'm so happy to finally be at the point where I hate going a day without exercise!  It makes the day so much better.  I feel better.  I don't feel guilty about eating.  I look at myself and see progress.  Days like today, I look at myself and see the flaws.  I lose a certain confidence.  The confidence that I've worked so hard to get back.  The confidence that I've lack for too long.  Why wouldn't I want it?  Why wouldn't I put myself in a position to have it?  See, things are finally starting to click in the right way.  As cliche as it may sound, the clouds are clearing.  I'm able to think like I used to think.  I'm able to act like I used to act, except this time I bring knowledge of past events.  I smoked one cigarette today.  They sell them individually.  I wanted to remember what it was like.  I didn't crave it.  I needed to remind myself of what I had done.  Of where I had been.  As I walked down the street with the cig stinking its smoke in air, it took me about 2 puffs before I remembered why I had quit.  It wasn't for me anymore.  Of course, not taking adderall helped, but simply not wanting to anymore helped much more.  The physiological craving was trumped by the psychological feeling.  Thats what I've come to realize.  How you feel about something can greatly impact your performance.  In everything.  In every activity.  In every job.  In every relationship.  Don't get me wrong, sometimes physiology kicks the shit outta psychology, but winning a battle doesn't win the war.  

Today was a national holiday in Dominica.  Most places were closed.  The reason for the holiday...Beach Day.  Apparently, once a month, this island shuts down to celebrate the beach.  Funny thing about today though.  It rained.  It rained hard.  From 8am til 1pm.  Apparently "God" doesn't give a shit about Dominica's Beach Day Holiday....Oh yeah, it was the first day its rained in 2 weeks.  

Night,

Dr. Samsun